Crazy Gran Is Just A Little Bit Crazy

A Bridge Too Far

On the said boating holiday with my two friends Tinkerbell and Aurora on the Norfolk Broads, there was one day where, as novices we knew no better.

We woke up one morning and decided that day we were going to cruise down to Potter Heigham, moor up, take in a bit of lunch and do a bit of shopping.

Now whether you are aware or not, to cruise to Potter Heigham, the water way is tidal and you cannot get under Potter Heigham bridge unless you are escorted by the Bridge Pilot. We had already been given our briefing about this on collection of our boat, so thought we knew what we had to do. Get to a certain point, ring the Bridge Pilot and book a slot to be taken under. Sounded simple.

How wrong can you be !!

As we are going down the river getting closer to Potter Heigham, the tide is getting stronger and is pulling the boat with it. I am getting very nervy, but roll with it, as i am not at the helm, Tinkerbell is and is doing a sterling job. Aurora rings the bridge Pilot to book us a slot to get through, to be told ‘No one is going under that bridge today, the tide is far too high’

This now puts us in a tricky situation as the boat is being pulled along down the river towards the bridge and we need to turn the boat around to go back against the tide and we have no idea how far we are from the bridge. We decide to find a space big enough to turn the 35 foot boat we are steering around.

Easier said than done.

We come across a stretch of river near some boat yards that looks wide enough to turn the boat and start to attempt to turn it . Each time we get it half way the tide pulls it back again, so we are fighting a losing battle. Now I am eyeing up the water to see how far I need to swim to the side, for when I abandon ship.

Aurora takes over at the helm as Tinkerbell is getting tired from trying to turn the boat so many times. As we are near the boat yards on the other side of the river, I start yelling for help but no one comes out. I instruct Aurora to get me close enough to the jetty of the boat yard as I am sure I can see someone inside and I reckon I can jump from the boat to the jetty to get his attention. This causes some debate about my ability to jump, let alone jump that far!

Fair play to her, Aurora gets us really close- not close enough for me to jump, but, I scream at the top of my lungs and a man finally comes out to see what all the fuss is about. I tell him we are three damsels in distress and we need him to come on board and turn the boat around for us. I failed to ask if he could actually drive a boat, but worked on the assumption that if he worked at a boat yard he would have a little more idea than we did !!

He tells us to get the boat closeer so he can get on. Aurora is giving the throttle large to get us as close to him as possible, whilst he is waving his arms frantically trying to tell us something, but of course we cant hear him above the noise of the boat in full throttle. Somehow Aurora gets close enough and he jumps on board at which point he tells is to stop with the throttle, as that is what is causing us problems. He lowers the throttle to a gentle hum and very easily turns the boat around, pulls it up near the jetty and hops off again.

To say were relieved is an under-statement and we made a vow there and then on the rest of our holiday to use less throttle.

We also decide that Potter Heigham is over rated and we are never going anywhere near there again!!

So every year us three best friends take off on holiday somewhere. We are all long standing friends of many years, so know our strengths and weaknesses off by heart. I trust these girls with my life and we have been on many an adventure together.

Having dinner one evening to decide where our next holiday might be, one of us (not me) suggests a boat on the Norfolk Broads. The conversation went something like this

Me: ‘Have either of you two ever driven a boat before, beacuse I havent?’

Tinkerbell: ‘No, but how hard can it be?’ ‘Dont you just point it in the way you want to go and steer?’ ‘Besides, they will teach you how to drive it, they are not going to let you loose on one of their boats without training are they?’

Aurora: ‘Once, but it did not go too well, but that was because we were all drunk but that wont happen with us’. ‘OK I am on the Broads website, and I think it is within our price range, so lets do it’.

That my friends is how we came to book a holiday on a boat on the Norfolk Broads. No logic at all, other than we reckon we can do it.

On the pick up day, to say that I was a little nervous, is probably an understatement, especially when I look at this 35 foot boat that is going to be ours for the week, and having zilch experience of life on the water. The three of us hop aboard, well actually me and Tinkerbell, hop on board, Aurora on the other hand has a dodgy knee and gets on board very gingerly, and we all wait for the man to come along and give us our induction.

Nigel arrives, ensures we are all wearing lifejackets and runs us through what the boat does, and does not do, what this is for, what that does, speed limits etc. and then says right who is going to take the helm for the training up and down the river. Both my dear friends point at me – she is !! I look at them increduously and they both give me a thumbs up. I take off at a very slow speed down the river 500 yards, turn the boat around, do a quick mooring, (well he shows us how to tie the mooring knot), take off again, reverse it back in to the spot we came out of and Nigel waves us goodbye. That was the induction !!!!

At this point I am a jibbering wreck and realise we may have bitten off more than we can chew. I flatly refuse to drive and so we set off with Tinkerbell driving very slowly with Aurora giving out instructions from the front. Well more like ‘left a bit or you going to hit that bank’, ‘another boat coming’ ‘ooo look isnt that swan pretty’ I am in the kitchen making good strong cups of coffee, as I reckon we are going to need it. ... I venture back up the front with the coffees and realise that Tinkerbell is doing all right and start to relax a bit. We poodle off down the river for a few hours and then decide to moor up for the night.

Now the problem with novices mooring up, is that we felt we needed alot of room, so had to wait until we found a spot where no one else was in sight, so we had a 100 foot of bank to manouvre in to. We decide that for mooring, being as Aurora had a dodgy knee, she would do the steering, Tinkerbell would hop off at the front with one rope and I would hop off at the back with the other rope. It is all goinging swimmingly well, Aurora has managed to get us close enough to the bank, so myself and Tinkerbell jump off. Tinkerbell is issueing instructions, ‘yes perfect, back a bit you are doing fine’ I am about to tie my rope to the post thingy at the back, when for some bizzare reason Aurora decides to put the boat in forward gear and not reverse, as I am hanging on to the bloody rope I nearly end up in the river !! A little voice comes from the cockpit ‘Sorry, I pushed the handle the wrong way’ !!!!

One of the things Nigel told us, was when mooring up for the night was to make sure the rope is secure on the post otherwise you will find yourself floating aimlessly down the river. As that was the only peice of instruction I actually listened to on the induction, and I was a Brownie Leader, and knew my knots, I felt I was well qualified to get this right and I tied the boat up for the night.

The next morning I received the following two photos from Aurora. The first is the correct way, the second is my way !! I will leave you dear reader, to be the judge of whether our boat was secure for the night.